Vasectomies, Postbeings, and Inflatable Sheep, Oh, My!

You're entering a slightly less family-friendly room in the Institute. Yes, this section was prompted by the sudden announcements that several of our listmembers spent their winter doing more than reading email. The response was brutal.

Date: Thu, 27 Feb 1997
From: Richard Frank

Okay! What's going on here? Any of you guys doing ANY fishing? Hope you're not expecting a shower or anything like that. (I know this is really a ploy to get free flies.) Geez! What list is this? Pampers@? :-)

Give me a Pamper
Hurry, number sixteen dry
Topride or... I'm sunk.

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Babies,babies, babies!!!

Dan Williams tells me:

>Richard, in case you hadn't heard, Mark Devino is expecting his

It's a miracle!!! And, Mrs. Devino is soooo grateful!!! Push honey! Breath! Breath! Ten o'clock, two o'clock. Ten o'clock, two o'clock. Come on! One more time!!

I can't keep up.

Sheath those rods, laddies!
The streams are overcrowded
Take a book to bed.

From: Chris Knight
Subject: Babies

Twas they who sheathed rods
and read in bed. The postman
however, rang twice

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Re: Richard said it, not me

Oh?? Take this, Knight!

The postman rang twice
Two more Orvis catalogs
No dear, not tonight

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Baby, baby, baby - toast

I gave up cigars long ago, so here's a "poetic" toast to all the list babymakers who obviously lack the attention span needed to stay focused on the Orvis catalog. (It's a short one. So don't worry.)

I surrender dear
Oh, baby, baby, baby.
Smoke my corona.

Okay, you can go back to whatever you were doing.

From: Rob Tucker
Subject: babies, babies, babies

To all expectant fathers,

Heed this advice from a father of four: pay close attention to the Lamaze breathing exercises. They'll come in handy when you have your vasectomy.

Lamaze vasectomy haiku:

Hee hee hee hee hee
blow blow blow blow blow blow blow
Yeeoooww! Hey, that's cold!

The best I could do on a rainy Friday here in the Commonwealth.

From: Luis Nasim
Subject: Re: baby, baby, baby

Hey Rob,

Guess we're both pretty slow
to put a stop to a mother's glow
but you're slow-er, a tad
Mr. Tucker... that's sad
as I got the big "V"
after kid number three.
And your Lamaze predication
doesn't give good information
if you wanted to be nice
you should warn: prepare the ice!


From: Chris Knight
Subject: Babies, babies, babies

I want it to be perfectly clear that I did NOT start this thread of pernicious progeny poetry. That's not, however, gonna stop me from contributing. If you have a weak stomach, delete now. 8^)

FF@ Birth Control Haiku:

Aroused by Scott ads
family growing, need help
inflatable sheep

Should be on page one
of every flyfishing rag
Love Ewe is your friend

From: L. C. Clower
Subject: Babies, babies, babies

Too many babies
No way to pay the doctor
Tippett clipper, ouch!

From: James Murray
Subject: The big "V" (was: Re: baby, baby, baby)

Here's my take (some really-bad poetry)

If this is the truth
As it is told
I'd hit the roof
Before icing down cold

So it shall be children for me
As I grow old
Count them one, two, three
The surgery never sold

Never more fearsome
The prospects of "many"
Than more Gruesome
The scalpel being ready!

From: Claude Freaner
Subject: Andrew's Baby Update

>Maybe I'll take this up with my wife, although I don't think that > she'll go for it

Oh, Andrew: There's MORE!!!

I was too busy at work to do anything about the baby announcement thread you started (Congratulations to all the prospective parents-to-be, by the way), but now that I'm home...

Well, here's a start:

Andrew McFarland's wee new Scot
Will have a fish tank night light. "NOT!
On your worthless life!",
Was heard from his wife,
"Out in the garage goes the lot!"

"It's just not sanitary
To have feathers and hairy
Critters nearby
To make baby cry.
Hurry up; you musn't tarry!"

... (a year from now):

Now Andrew thinks with much chagrin,
Noting the moisture on his chin:
"FIRST reach for a wiper,
THEN unpin the diaper!
Thank goodness, my child's not a twin!"

Hang in there, Andrew - my youngest is 25 - and it's been fun!

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