The 1999 Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry Contest

The 1999 Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry Contest

How do these things begin? It started over the 'Merican Thanksgiving holiday when a new listmember inadvertently sent an inspirational message to the list. This of course inflamed the Old Coot, one thing led to another, and by the time I got back from my holiday travels there were 2 MB of the resulting garbage in my inbox. So I suggested we improve the quality of our wasted bandwidth with a little bad poetry. Guidelines were that the poems had to include references to Fish, Religion, Camera Envy, and File Attachments. The fallout is below:

From: Blake Werner
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

on the way to the station in my pickup truck
ma got run over by a train......oops wrong topic
how bout:

new nikon blew it
prayer beads glued to a 6 hook
captured fish on list

From: Claude Freaner
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

Over the river and through the woods,
To the Vicar's house we go;
My Jeep knows the path
To avoid the rath,
As we go along with the flow.

Over the river and through the woods,
Oh how the up-tight blow!
Too dumb to delete,
It's whines that they bleat,
As the rest of us yell "No mo'!

Over the river and through the woods,
The Listmeister shout's "Oh no!
Be nice to each other,
Or I'll tell your mother,
And off to the woodshed you'll go.

Over the river and through the woods,
Our chagrin we now will all show;
We'll talk about flies,
Tam's trip report lies(?)
And never again sink so low.

Over the river and through the woods,
This poem has stated my woe;
As this is too long,
I will end my song:
Fish for big steelhead with roe!

There! That ought to offend some of you (especially music and poetry
critics) to those who weren't offended, I'm working on it...



Fast sinking lower,
The Institute poet thought:
What an exit line!

From: Tammy D.
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

Here Chris.... this make ya feel any better??

The Vicar was devout
Coot began to spout
Trouble it did sprout
Tam caught her first trout

Arguments did fly
17,000 bucks, WHY?
Rick he did then try
To see that Glen not fry

No more html
Or you will burn in hell
Only time will tell
If digital works well

The girl no longer posts
The things she loves the most
In steps Danny the host
Father Son and Holy Ghost

Now everybody knows
By what religion everyone goes
Who is what kind of pros
And what kind of fit he throws

Now things are what they are
Poetry and haiku from afar
Just one last sidebar
What the heck is a Vicar?

From: Tammy D.
Subject: Re: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

how bout some haiku to go with that limerick??

religion taboo
html attachments
bring shack nasties out


pricey cameras
cause much controversy here
geesh guys, it's for work

wow I think I am reaching new heights of bad poetry here.

BTW... at the Rod Haig Brown house, it should be noted that if you were to
sit down in his chair at his desk, and look over to the left at the
bookshelf there, the book that was closest at hand, stuck out more than any
other and appeared to be well read was called simply...

From: Tammy D.
Subject: Re: "Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry "

Damn Claude, you were SOOOOOOO CLOSE!!! Right down to whether or not my
reports were made up or not.. BUT YOU FORGOT THE STEENKING CAMERAS!!
Hurry up, I know you can think of ONE MORE VERSE!! hehehee.

Uncle Claude sang song
Of all that plagues the listsrv
Forgot camera.

From: Claude Freaner
Subject: Re: "Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry "

Aw, gee whiz!...

Here I sit, red-faced;
Is it my embarrassment
Or the camera?

From: Jim Dutton
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

How's this, Chris...?

Attachments are banned from this List
Don't do it,or you might get 'Dissed!
Religion is banned,
Pricey camera's are panned,
'Tis the fishing that seems to be missed!!

Apologies for introducing a limerick...

From: Chris Knight
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry

the pious pine while
digital images burn
hole in fishing time


Chris Knight, Janitor
Institute for Bad FF@ Poetry

From: Tammy D.
Subject: Re: Bandwidth Wasting, etc.......

Yeah.. yeah.. wellll... uhhh, I'll see your haiku and raise you a limerick!
So there!! you going to play or call??

If while on FF@ you attach html
You'd think that you will burn in hell
For work you will wish,
And certainly for fish,
And for a camera to record it all well.

Did I get them all???

From: Bill Schudlich
Subject: Wasted-Bandwidth-Quality-Enhancing Bad Poetry Contest

How's about a bad sonnet to kick off the winter.

The winter season descends on the list
The northern tier clad in neoprene
Sit rod in hand by the fire's bright sheen
And bang on the keyboard, boy are they pissed
NO ATTACHMENTS here, or you we'll blacklist
The vicar's sigline had caused quite a scene
Some listers had dragged out the guillotine
Send HTML, your head you'll soon miss
Finally we break out our fly tying kits
And swaps begin to occupy our time
Looking for patterns to use that pea-hen
We read the books, set aside last summer
And before we know it, to our surprise
Spring is here and the season is open

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Material reprinted with the expressed consent and/or misgivings of the bad poets.