Songs from the List

Every once in a while someone on FF@ uses valuable work time to write silly takeoffs of established songs. Here's where their efforts will be displayed for easy access by performance appraisers and tenure review committees.

From: Robert Shearer
Subject: Re: Albolene as a floatant

Sr. Salty says

>However, I gave up on the floatant idea. How much floatant does the average
> person use in a season? Really, it'd take me 10+
>years to go through a tub of Abolene. ;-)

Wasn't there a song performed by Sonny James about this stuff?

Abolene
Abolene
Finest floatant I've ever seen
On your fly, it keeps it dry
With Abolene
My abolene

-robert "keeping my day job" shearer

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Bad rap gets fishing

> "What is the most dangerous sport?"
>
> The answer turns out to be "fishing."
>
> They only listed a couple of reasons why fishing is considered the
> most dangerous sport.

Bad Fishing Rap

What sport is the most dangerous
The baddest we can hand'z ya?
Don't go jumping to conclusions
'Til I finish all my stanzas.

Now, basketball is risky
Mothers stomping on your toes
But go fishing and you'll end up
With rapalas in your nose

Ouch, Ouch, say ouch!

Football has rough blocking
And hockey has its bashes,
But high stick in a lightning storm
And you'll turn into ashes.

Eeow, eeow, say HOT!

On the ice there are sharp blades,
When diving there's the flop,
But when fishing there's the Kreutzer
Where you'll never see the top.

Glub, glub, say Drowned!

Well, Rodeo's the meanest sport
The bulls stomp on your hair,
But in fishing there's the Uber-trout;
He's waiting right down there.

Hehe, hehe. You are lunch!

So, if fishing is your sport
'cause you think that it is cool,
(Just remember)
At the end Of every fishing line
There stands a bloody fool!

Don't forget it!

From: Bill Schudlich
Subject: After the Gold Rush was Dan Gibson was...

After reading yesterday's mail on the list, I went home and had this horrible dream. First of all, I too am deeply apologetic in advance for sharing it with you.

It went something like this...

Well, I dreamed I saw Chris Knight in waders coming,
sayin' something about the rain.
There were six pigs pointin', oinkin' and hummin'
and Richard Frank had lost his brain.
There was a flamewar blowin' to the list
and I'm rolling on the floor.
Look at Mother Nature on the run in the northeast corridor.
Look at Mother Nature on the run in the northeast corridor.

I was lyin' in a burned out basement
with Chaz's rottweiler in my face.
I was hopin' for a replacement
when East Team burst into the place.
There was a hangover playin' in my head
and I felt like throwing a fly.
I was thinkin' about what Harry Steeves had said
I was hopin' it was a lie.
Thinkin' about what a Harry Steeves had said
I was hopin' it was a lie.

Well, I dreamed I saw the emerging caddis flyin'
in the glacial haze of the run,
the East Team was cryin' and the fish were bitin'
all around the chosen ones (from the west)
All in a dream, all in a dream the contest had begun.
Flying LaFontaine's ESP to a new hole in the run.
Flying LaFontaine's ESP to a new hole.

I'm really really sorry.

From: Bill Schudlich
Subject: Tell me why...

With apologies to Bob Geldof and all Boomtown Rats:

The virus chip inside his head
Gets switched to overload
And nobody's gonna read the list today
He's going to make them stay at home
And Danny doesn't understand it
He always said they was as good as gold
And he can see no reason
Cos there are no reasons
What reason do you need to post

Tell me why I don't like Mondays
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
I want to shoot he whole day down

The Listserv machine is kept so clean
As it sends to a waiting list
And some feel so shocked
Other's world is rocked
And their thoughts turn to
Being really pissed
Adams on a 16 ain't that peachy keen
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat
They can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reason do you need to post

Tell me why...

From: Claude Freaner
Subject: Ping Pong Balls

If you're not into silly attempts at humor, hit the "D" key now. 8-)

PING PONG BALLS
(sung to the tune of you-know-what)

Fishing in the sun
In a small float-tube on lakes,
Nymphing can be fun,
Dodging the boat wakes;
Holes in my new vest,
Leaking flies all o'er,
Putting patience to the test,
Watch my spirits soar!
Ping pong balls, ping pong balls,
Indicate the takes!
Oh what fun it is to use
A small float-tube on lakes.

A day or two ago,
I thought I'd try my luck,
I grabbed my rod and reel,
And got into my truck;
The trannie grinds and groans,
The engine coughs and spews,
Matching my wife's little moans,
When she heard the news.
Ping pong balls, ping pong balls,
Indicate the takes!
Oh what fun it is to use
A small float-tube on lakes.

A day or two ago,
The story I must tell,
I gave a mighty bellow,
As on my back I fell;
A gent was floating by
In a large jet boat for bass,
He laughed as there
I sprawling lie,
But quickly drove on passed.
Ping pong balls, ping pong balls,
Indicate the takes!
Oh what fun it is to use
A small float-tube on lakes.

Now the creek is froze
Go it while you're young,
Wake up from your doze,
And sing this fishing song;
Just get a new float tube,
Without a leak is best,
Don't act like such a rube,
And you can fish the Test!
Ping pong balls, ping pong balls,
Indicate the takes!
Oh what fun it is to use
A small float-tube on lakes.

With apologies to James Pierpont (1857)

Happy Holidays!
Claude

From: Agust Kr. Gudmundsson
Subject: Leonard Bamboo

Before you proceed please accept my profound apologies to Janis Joplin, M. McClure, B. Neuwirth. And be thankful that you're not hearing me sing this.

Leonard Bamboo

Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Leonard Bamboo
My friends all have Paynes, some of them two
Cast hard all my lifetime, Double hauls I can do
So, Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Leonard Bamboo

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand new PC?
Fly fishing listserve is trying to find me.
I wait for the email each day until three.
So, Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand new PC?

Oh Lord won't you buy me a trout on the Juan
I'm counting on you Lord, don't let me down
prove that you love me and make it big brown
Oh Lord won't you buy me a trout on the Juan

Everybody!

Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Leonard Bamboo
My friends all have Paynes, some have two
Cast hard all my lifetime, Double hauls I can do
So, Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Leonard Bamboo

From: L. C. Clower
Subject: Leonard Bamboo

Oh Lord, won't you buy me
A case of cheap booze,
Agust's gone to singing,
I've nothing to lose,
...

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Addicted to E-mail Blues

Addicted To E-mail Blues

My baby left me, just yesterday,
She was complainin' I had no time to play
Said I was always just doing E
What can I say, boys...
She's got the goods on me.

I got this e-mail, ain't got no female,
Don't leave no paper trail,
Eee-lect-ronnnnic hot mail blues

I've got connections all around the world,
But since she pulled out, I just ain't got no girl.
I'm feeling lonely.
Guess I'll go post.
I just got fired, but I can always boast -
[cause...]
I just found me an everlovin' 56K, 2x host!
[Cheap too!!]

I got this e-mail, ain't got no female,
Don't leave no paper trail,
Eee-lect-ronnnnic hot mail blues.

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Raptor Rap

Raptor Rap

Well a guy named Raptor came up to the list
And he took a look around, he was feeling kind'a pissed
He was looking round to see if he could find a thread
Where he might grab a handle and beat on someone's head.
Well, then he saw a line about Carimna Burana
He said "this is a dude that I'm gonna' jump onna. (sorry)
But he just didn't know he was dealing with "The Tyer"
Who could put him in his place in a verbal quagmire.
So the Raptor turned tail and headed for a place
Where the pickings are real easy and this memory he'll erase.
So, give Davy E., the Tyer, a big FFing cheer
If you're ever out in Idaho, go buy the guy a beer.

A thousand pardons to Doug Doggy Dog Dog and the brothers. :-(

From: John James
Subject: Why stars twinkle

Twinkle, twinkle little orb
Light the sky does not absorb
Waves of shifting frequency
That my eyes don't let me see.
If a planet, light will stay
constant, not shimmer away.

What do you mean it won't work?

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Spineless blues

Lowdown Spineless Blues

Well, I'm going to the archives
And I'm feelin' mighty fine.
I ain't got a clue,
But I got a little time.

Think I'll get me some info
Bout fishin' with dry flies
Cause those pretty, pretty trouts,
They brings tears to these old eyes.

Now, I type in a few words,
And do you know what I find?
'Bout ten thousand little posts
And they're all discussin' spine.

Oh lordy, Mary Lu,
Oh lordy, Mary Lu,
I got them softsided, snakeguided,
Spineless flyrod blues.

I got spine '94, '95, and '96
I got new spine '97
I don't need no more of this.

Oh lordy, Mary Lu,
Oh lordy, Mary Lu,
I got them softsided, snakeguided,
Spineless flyrod blues.

Guess I'll go get out my pole.
The one made of bamboo.
It may be kind of old,
but it fits me like a shoe.

And I got to tell you this
My cane pole is mighty fine.
It catches lots of fishies
And best of all it ain't got spine!

Apologies to DL :-}

From: Tom Fry
Subject: 'Tis the season

Hey, it snowed here today! Only an inch or so, and it melted, but I was reminded that last year at this time there was 3 feet of it in the front yard. So, here goes ;-^)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

twelve nonexistant steelhead
eleven wicked Wardius's
ten rainmakers drowning
nine numbskulls flaming
eight AWOL Kanemoto's
seven squawfish swimming
six jungle cock necks

FIVE - OLD - COOTS

four spey rods
three spoofing Susie's
two rotunda gonads
and an unconditional warranty

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