The Best of the Wurst Poetry

This now-recurring thread began in February 1997 during the winter of non-discontent. It started with a discussion of the FF@ advertising policy and ended with an absolutely wonderful sonnet.

Here's the posting that started it all:

From: Richard Frank
Subject: WURST grip for sale (Idiot time)


What is all this talk about advertising on the list? Pah! Advertising made this country what it is, so here's your big chance to own the finest, the most refined, the tastiest fly rod grip ever produced. And you can own it for a mere fraction of what it would cost you in a store or at your local deli! $29.95 That's right. $29.95 for a genuine Wurst grip.

Why do I want a new Wurst grip, you ask! The answer is obvious, my friend. You want a Wurst grip because Wurst is best. Consider the advantages.

Cork is hard and unyielding in your hand. Wurst conforms to your exact grip size. If your Wurst grip is a bit too large, squeeze gently. We've allowed just enough space between filling and casing to allow the grip to work with your hand, not against it. (Don't squeeze too hard. No. That's no good. You don't want that delectable Wurst filling splattered all over your O***s waders.)

Cork transmits vibrations. Wurst grips absorb those nasty little shimmers. No need for expensive MVR technology costing millions of dollars. You don't need to buy a submarine to get a grip on yourself. No. Get the Wurst. It dampens vibration 100% and then some. Smells better than cork, too!

Finally, if you go off to one of those remote claves and the other listers eat all your food and drink all your brewskie. What are you gonna do? You can't eat your cork grip. But you can eat your Wurst, and it comes with it's own stick for roasting. Ingenious.

So just when you thought you already had the best, you discovered that the Wurst is yet to come! And only $19.95 It's on sale! Gets better all the time! Yes!

Order directly from our website

Don't wait. YOU WANT ONE!!

From: Chris Knight
Subject: Re: WURST grip for sale

Richard wrote:


I guess this one is going to go into the Institute for Wurst FF@ Poetry?

Get a grip on the
sausage of all sausages
dampen that rod good

It had to be done, sorry. 8^)

Chris Knight, Janitor
Institute for Bad FF@ Poetry

From: Claude Freaner
Subject: Moron (sic) WURST

If you always have a real thirst
To be the ONE who is the first,
You should thank
Richard Frank
And buy a rod grip made of WURST

This one should probably go to the Institute also...

From: Lon Hall
Subject: Re: Moron (sic) WURST

Great dittie, Claude!
How about...

There was a fly fisher named Freaner
Who quipped about rod grip and wiener
With results that were WURST
Than if adroitly rehearsed
Can this thread really get much obscener?

(Not a poet, and I know it! 8^))

From: Richard Frank
Subject: Wurst Sonnet

Wurst Sonnet This eve dispells the winter's chilly curse,
The moon's thin curve might bring on thoughts of spring,
If only I could rid my thoughts of Wurst,
The best of commerce to the list I'd bring.
Confused so I cannot help but think,
The stuffing of my mind extends its casing,
And filling swells it to the bursting brink
Relief I'll seek in some poetic tracing.
To rid myself of dreams of links and meat
Fly fishing thoughts I'll let my brain massage,
But just as tuboid images retreat
In flows the smell of tempting, hot sausage
Undone am I by puns 'bout this and that
Guess I'll give in and have another brat.

Ah! Satisfied at last.

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Material reprinted with the expressed consent and misgivings of the original authors.